Practicing relational coaching


Practising relational coaching – The ability to tune in on others –

I think you have to be experienced to do it well. You base yourself on yourself and your own life experience. The practice must be experience-based. If I were to select coaches, I would have selected those who have acquired certain characteristics. –

It is difficult to describe them, but an important feature is the ability to tune into other people. I want to know how it feels to be with them. The ability to tune in, to follow the other, is crucial.

Nothing in your CV will tell if you have this ability or not. There is a clear parallel between the ability of the coach to tune into his or her athletes and a mother’s ability to tune herself into her infant. It is vital that the coach is deeply accepting and in tune with the clients emotional life because it was there it “turned wrong”. (in the interaction with other people’s emotions.)

Implicit knowledge – Implicit experience

Implicit knowledge is extremely rich and complex, not primitive, as we previously thought in ego psychology. 90 percent of what we know about people and relationships is implicit.

Implicit knowledge is unconscious in the sense that we do not reflect on it. It includes affects, words, expectations, and shifts in activation and motivation, all that can take place at the moment here and now. Implicit knowledge is thus not limited to body language, sensation, and non-verbal communication.

I believe the key in coaching is the implicit events that take place at the moment here and now. With an emphasis on implicit experience rather than explicit content, the goal of coaching is shifting towards enriching and deepening experience more than understanding its cognitive meaning.

edited interview with Daniel Stern 2006.

Beyond the brain. Our range of social behavior-life performance and biological vitality is limited by our human physiology, which has evolved from that of more primitive vertebrates. This according to the Polyvagal Theory (including the concept of neuroception).  LINK

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